Monthly Archives: September 2011

Paycheck has restored Minnesota pride

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WORTHINGTON — Minnesota pride has been restored.

With the Twins on track for a 100-loss season, the Vikings off to an 0-2 start after a pair of abysmal second halves and the Gophers losing football games to powerhouse teams such as New Mexico State, there has been little to cheer for recently in the Minnesota sports landscape.

At least that was the case before Saturday.

In a little over 27 seconds, Minnesota sports fans were finally given something to cheer about.

True, Paycheck’s victory against Ruby Begonia in King Turkey Day’s Great Gobbler Gallop didn’t draw quite as many viewers as the average Vikings game, but with the Minnesota sports-scape in a state of despair, our little turkey gave us an unforgettable performance.

According to sources available on the day, Paycheck ran the second fastest recorded time in the history of the event.

Although the head-to-head matchup won’t officially end until the pair of turkeys square off again at Turkey Fest in Cuero, Texas, Paycheck’s lead of well over three minutes should be a safe bet to hold up for the overall title.

Paycheck has been so fast over the past two years that it almost hasn’t been fair.

Spectators who eagerly anticipate the race throughout the year have only seen Paycheck in full racing action for a total on one minute and four seconds over the past two years combined after Paycheck’s winning time of 37 seconds in last year’s Great Gobbler Gallop.

It’s ironic that Paycheck can achieve glory for the state of Minnesota in 27 seconds, whereas it has taken an agonizing 154 games so far for the 2011 Twins to sink the state to the bottom of the ranks of baseball respectability.

Although Paycheck’s victory probably hasn’t resonated much further than Worthington and the immediate surrounding area (unless Liz Collin made mention of it on a WCCO newscast, which I unfortunately forgot to check out), perhaps Worthington’s victory will spread throughout the state.

It wouldn’t be the first time something has started in Worthington and had a state-wide impact. Our current governor is the descendant of a famous Worthington resident (the same man who lends his name to the historic Dayton House), and in Matt Entenza we had another candidate in the last gubernatorial election that actually hailed from the city.

Also, Mayor Al Oberloh — apart from being known for having perhaps the biggest beard of any mayor of any town in history — has risen to state-wide prominence as the president of the Coalition of Greater Minnesota Cities.

Already in the wake of Paycheck’s victory we have seen the Minnesota Lynx win their first ever playoff series, which may lead to the state’s first championship in a professional sport since the 1991 Twins won the World Series.

OK, the Lynx were good even before Paycheck’s victory, but who’s to say that the team didn’t catch wind of Saturday’s race and use it as inspiration to gain the edge against the Silver Stars in Tuesday’s elimination game?

I won’t go so far as to say that Paycheck’s victory will have any effect on the Vikings righting their ship (after all, their most recent collapse came one day after the race) or will prevent the Twins from finishing the season with an 18-game losing streak, but at least we can be proud knowing that Minnesota sports have at least one thing to be proud of in an otherwise very bleak period of the state’s sports history.

Who ever first thought to race turkeys?

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No matter whether you’re much of a race fan during the rest of the year, during Turkey Week there is no denying that racing is king.

Whether you’re more inclined to participate in or watch the Turkey Trot or to line 10th Street to watch our Paycheck defend his title against Ruby Begonia, racing is as much a part of the week’s festivities as anything else.

As humans, it seems that any time there is the slightest possibility of a race taking place, we seize the opportunity with great passion and gusto.

The impulse to race has been passed through our genetic material seemingly ever since we were first able to stand and walk on two legs.

The idea competing against an opponent in a test of speed has taken a number of different forms throughout human history.

In the ancient Greek olympics, men would test their speed and endurance against each other without the use of any enhancements — even clothing.

As the centuries passed, humankind also found time to create sports out of racing different species of animals.

Races involving animals have taken many forms, with some done in tandem with a human rider — such as was done in the horse-drawn chariot races in ancient Rome and in modern day horse racing — and some with the animal racing on their own, such as in Greyhound racing. Even as kids we sometimes find and race our own animals, though usually on a much smaller scale such as with snails and turtles.

When humans developed the appropriate technology, racing started to attain speeds prevoiously unheard of, creating modes of racing that remain popular today with all different kinds of automotive racing.

However, of all the different types of racing in existence, who ever thought of the idea to race birds?

Our turkey race is surely a true experience to be had, though to be honest it is far more about the camaraderie between Worthington and the town of Cuero, Texas, than about any serious high-stakes racing.

There is very little about the race that is too formal or scientific — how can you take something completely seriously when you have grown adults chasing turkeys down main street with paddles?

True, there are probably few experiences that can be compared to a turkey race. There are other forms of bird racing in existence, such as pigeon racing — I learned everything I know about the sport from Animal Planet’s special series involving Mike Tyson — but there aren’t any others that come to my mind.

My inner child secretly wishes that races existed with people riding ostriches or emus, but I’m pretty sure such an idea exists only in cartoons and fantasy.

I can’t even begin to imagine people trying to chase an ostrich or an emu down main street with paddles — there definitely would be a few more hospital visits than would be worth it.

The ultimate in the racing of land birds would have been to see a moa in action, though this former giant inhabitant of New Zealand is now long extinct.

However, if the science from Jurassic Park becomes a reality and we some day are able to bring back extinct species, knowing human nature we’d probably find a way to race almost any species.

Until that time, we’ll have to settle for racing the descendants of the dinosaurs when the prized turkeys Paycheck and Ruby Begonia race on Saturday.